Lord Elpus was reluctant to open the old Hall to tourists, but the financial situation made it a dire necessity. The roof was leaking in the West Wing, and they'd be lucky if the Orangery surivived another winter without extension renovation. So... that was it. After hundreds of proud years, Lord Elpus Hall was going to be a destination for the proletariat gawpers.

There were, of course, some compesations. Although most of the goggling visitors were lumpy retirees, one did see the occasional pretty blonde in not very many clothes. And it was a little known legacy of Henry VIII which forbade any sort of public nudity on the grounds. Apparently the Lady Elpus of the time was amply proportioned, and rather fancied the King... feelings which were not at all reciprocated, hence the decree to keep the old gal strictly under wraps.

And so the dire duty falls to me, the current Lord Elpus, to carry out the ancient punishment on this very pretty young specimen, who claims to have "accidentally" flashed her boobs on the croquet lawn!