It is VERY dangerous to turn your fantasies into shoot plans, it turns out. I should know this, I've done it before and I'm always shocked by how harsh they turn out to be in real life! A few months ago, it occured to me that it'd be very exciting to be tied down and given 100 cane strokes in one hour; ten strokes every ten minutes. Then I realised I'd done the maths wrong, and it'd have to be 10 strokes every SIX minutes. Which still seemed pretty cool, though a bit scarier than I'd originally planned.
It seemed just the thing to shoot for RE Nights, so I suggested it to Hywel, who was rather keen too. So I woke up on the morning of the shoot and experienced the horrible, stomach-churning feeling that often assaults me when it's too late to back-track. I suddenly dearly wished that I'd kept this particular fantasy to myself....
After being forced to be the RE Pet for more weeks than I like to think about, I was very keen to prove myself as a good prospect for the RE Slavegirl position. Taking 100 cane strokes willingly seemed like a good way to show that I'm much better behaved and more obedient than before the pet-training experience, so although I was feeling pretty anxious, I was also excited about trying to do a good job. I was awfully glad that Hywel planned to use rope restraints - I'm not at all good at keeping still for anything that really hurts, so I found the idea of bondage quite reassuring. But I still had to get my head around the idea of asking for each stroke. I HATE doing this, I found it really hard during the Bondage Driving Test bastinado sequence, and wasn't at all looking forward to doing it again. Having to keep count of the strokes makes it impossible to wander off inside your head and distance yourself from the pain, I think. And it's so humiliating, asking for each stroke as if I actually want it. The fact that I sort of DO actually want it just makes it more confusing, somehow.
Once we were shooting, everything became rather hazy and un-real to me. The big wall-clock ticked; the waiting seemed interminable, and as the number of strokes mounted it became harder and harder to believe this had been my fantasy. But when the 100th stroke had fallen and it was all over, I was so happy to have done it! It's hard to explain to anyone who doesn't have masochistic tastes, but it's sooooo worth going through experiences like this for the feeling afterwards! I really hope you enjoy the video; I know it doesn't LOOK as though I'm having a good time and it won't be to everyones' taste, but I wouldn't have missed the experience for anything. I felt great for the rest of the day, and wished it hadn't been over so fast. Thank you Hywel, for filming my fantasy (and for being so very cruel).
PS - I'm sorry if the crying freaks anyone out. I really was having a good time, it just hurt quite a lot :)